


Why?

by Khat58



Category: Zeroes Series - Scott Westerfeld
Genre: Crying, Ethan has PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Ethan, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 12:40:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18549961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khat58/pseuds/Khat58
Summary: Ethan has been through a lot, and a visit to an abandoned building for a practice mission does not help.Hurt/Comfort where Ethan has a panic attack and Nate’s there for him (and it kinda hints at them liking each other if you squint). Enjoy.





	Why?

Ever since The Building (as the incident has been dubbed) and the reformation of the Zeroes, everything had been going pretty well. Which explains why Ethan is where he is now. It seems he can't live his life without something stepping in to ruin it.

Ethan was curled up a wall on the inside of some random building, his breathing labored and the only thing he can hear being his own heartbeat.

You may ask "How did he get here?" "Why is he in such a state?". To answer those questions you would have to go back about a half an hour in time.

________________

30 Minutes Ago

Ethan had been tuned out to most of the meeting today. He hadn't gotten any sleep the night before, and they were just reviewing the plans before heading out for their mission.

Ethan was close to nodding off when he heard his name be yelled, "Ethan! Do you even know what I said?" Nate angrily asked Ethan, obvious that he had already tried to get Ethan's attention.

Usually Ethan would give a sarcastic comment or even use the voice to pretend he was listening but he was so tired he honestly didn't care anymore.

"No not really. What were you trying to say?" Ethan said with hooded eyes.

Everyone turned to look at the very uncharacteristic Ethan, which just made Ethan feel worse to have so many eyes on him.

"You're going with Kelsie and Myself into the building. Kelsie has ground floor, I have 2nd and you have 3rd." Nate explained calmly, very different from his previous tone.

Ethan was suddenly very awake. He looked at the plans taped to the whiteboard to notice the abandoned building's plans. He couldn't go up the third floor alone, especially not after....

"Wait I thought I was going to be lookout this mission." Ethan scrambled out with wide eyes.

"Well if you paying attention you would know I am, because Flicker has Therapy, we'll forget Anonymous and I have to get back to work soon," Chizara spit back at Ethan.

No one noticed the underlying panic of Ethan's movements following that, and simply ignored him and continued reviewing the plan before heading out to begin the mission.

It was a simple mission, was just to get everyone working together until a real mission arrived. But as soon as they pulled up to the closed down building in between small owned shops and markets, Ethan's heartbeat began to pick up.

Ethan did his best to calm himself down. They followed through their plan step by step and Ethan was nearly to the third floor when his thoughts and memories began swirling around in his mind.

He could already see the remains of the building hooked up to explosives. He could feel the bindings tying his hands together. He could hear the same way his heartbeat beat in his ears from fear.

Ethan didn't realize he had collapsed to the ground until he opened his tightly shut eyes and could only see the dusty ceiling and feel the creaky wood of the stairs.

His breathing was beginning to speed up, but he pushed down his thoughts so he could at the very least, make it up the rest of the stairs.

He shakily stood up and slowly walked to the first room on his left. He entered the room only to see pillars similar to before and he was gone.

He collapsed against the wall and felt as if he could no longer breathe. He was trying to calm himself but to no avail, he could only think about the ties behind his back and being left behind by Nate. No one caring about him anymore. The thought that he was going to die at 17 and no one would know.

Now here in the present, he was having a panic attack, unsure of what to do for he hadn't had one in years. Until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

His first instinct was to flinch away, he realized he had once again screwed his eyes shut and opened them. It was no better having his eyes open though because of the tears that clouded his vision.

But he felt a hand again, this time against his chest, it was gentle and tapping a steady rhythm against his chest. He heard muffled sounds which he assumed was someone talking to him.

Ethan hadn't had a panic attack in a long time, and usually he just needed a steady hand and to use breathing exercises. But the extent of this attack and the longevity its been since he's had one made his judgment different. He lunged towards what he hoped was a friend, and clung to the soft material of the person's shirt.

He felt a gentle hand rubbing circles on his back and it wasn't until he could feel his steady heartbeat did he notice the voice murmuring reassuring words in his ear.

He would on any other occasion pull away knowing he was this close to Nate, but he realized he had tears streaming down his face and into Nate's shirt, and they weren't stopping anytime soon. Not to mention he was already tired and he could already feel the effects of his attack taking over him.

Nate had told the rest of the team to return home once he stumbled upon Ethan so the two would have privacy.

Ethan was still consoling his breathing and tears when one hand moved from rubbing his back to run through his hair and all he could do was let out a whimper as he felt a completely different onslaught of emotions.

Ethan heard a slightly panicked 'Sorry' as he felt the hand that ran thorough his hair quickly return back to his back, as quickly as it had left.

Ethan shook his head 'No' into Nate's chest at the Sorry. He had actually liked the feeling but couldn't tell him, so he just nuzzled himself into Nates chest and hoped he got the message.

Slowly the hand rested in Ethan's hair once again and began running through his hair once more. Ethan whimpered but not in pain or surprise. It had been so long since he has actually been comforted. Since someone held him close and told him he was alright. That someone actually cared.

But with all goods things come bad, and soon the positive notation of having someone there, caused his thoughts to run through all the bad alternatives.

Nate is doing this out of pity.

This is going be used later as just another thing that is terrible about you.

All the Zeroes are going to leave again once they realize how messed up Ethan Cooper truly is.

Nate is going to leave again.

Ethan burrowed deeper into Nate's chest subconsciously and clinged even more onto his shirt. He didn't mean to say anything out loud, but even though his face was pillowed in Nate's chest, Nate could hear Ethan weakly and brokenly through his tears whisper out "Don't leave me. Not again."

It wasn't until Nate softly whispered into his ear he wasn't going anywhere that Ethan broke out of his spiral.

Ethan was still shaking and tears still tracked down his cheeks, but he leaned out of Nate's grasp to look up at the rich teen.

Ethan couldn't stop the "Why?" that left his lips, and couldn't stop the way his voice broke on the singular word either.

Nate kept a gentle touch on both of Ethan's arms to ground him before answering.

"Because Ethan, we need you."

Of course the team, always thinking of missions and the curve. But it seemed Nate could also read minds because he continued talking.

"And because you're our friend, We care about you Ethan." Nate reassured, he paused before adding in, "I care about you." He began running his hands gently up and down Ethan's arms with a soft expression on his face.

Tears began to gather in Ethan's eyes again, "You...you care?" Ethan whispered out, his voice cracking once again on 'care'.

"I always have Ethan," Nate said gathering Ethan in his arms again sensing him begin to shake again.

Ethan tried to bite back the cries, but he couldn't help the sobs wracking his body once more and cried not from panic this time, but relief.

Nate cradled him and held him close. He stayed until Ethan's tears dried and continued to until Ethan felt comfortable enough to go home.


End file.
